We're facebook friends in real life
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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