well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
