I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
