Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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