You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
