All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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