if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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