My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
