I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
