OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
