After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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