His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
