Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
