Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
