I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
