Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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