WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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