There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
