I am spending my child support on dildos
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
