do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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