Please, let me fuck your mom
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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