U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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