break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
