Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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