When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
