New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
