u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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