never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
