threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
