I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We don't watch enough power rangers
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
