Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
