guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
