Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
