Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
