if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
