Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
