if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
