i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
