My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
