life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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