I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
