Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
