spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
