guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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