He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
