I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
