I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
