Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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