apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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