Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
